I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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