I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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