good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
