Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
