Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
