I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
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