I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
