At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
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