Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Randomize
