Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Randomize
