just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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