Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Randomize
