I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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