Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Randomize
