If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
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