i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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