Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
