Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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