She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
