Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
