Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Randomize
