After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
she peed on how many people?
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
