i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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