Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Randomize
