I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
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