Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
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