i just wanna soil my oats bro
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
