Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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