Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
