well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Randomize
