The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
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You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
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