i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
