It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
