we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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