I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize
