Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
