the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
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