i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
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