the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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