you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
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