worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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