One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
