Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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