I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
