So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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