He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Who died my cat blue again?
Randomize