Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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