I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
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