Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize