If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
