Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
