Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
