I'm going to rape someone's good day.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
