The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
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