Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
This is the high leading the old right now
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
