I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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