I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
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