so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
