Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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