it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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