I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Couch. On fire.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
