6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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