Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Randomize
