I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
