I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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