I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
