you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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