Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
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