I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I'm eating all of the evidence.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
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