I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
