you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Randomize
