I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
