Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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