Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
