Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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