im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
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